I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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