yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
