you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
