..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
