I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
