I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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