Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
