Im at strip club and am horny
youre lurking in front of me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
