i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
