so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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