this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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