how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize