So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
