My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
