don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
