Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
