i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
