...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
