Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
