Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
