I feel like abortions should bother me more
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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