Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
