I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
