dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
