Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
