thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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