dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
