My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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