good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
