I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
