I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My vagina is officially offended.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
