This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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