Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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