Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I love you. Go after that dick
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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