so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
