my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
