I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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