"it" just moved
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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