If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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