bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
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