I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
