Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
