I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just forgot I was standing up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize