I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
