I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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