Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
