so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
