So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
