you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize