I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
