you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
