Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
