a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
