i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
