Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
