P.S. I can't hear my feet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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