I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize