that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you would pick up someone in the library
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
