Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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