so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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