I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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