Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
