i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
