What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize