I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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