Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
