my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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