I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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