Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
