A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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