im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
