So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize