look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
