all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
