we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
as a side note pls kill me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
