What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
