he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Shame - the story of my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
