I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
