Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
