Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
