i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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