i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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