She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
