jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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