my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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