thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
whose parrot is this?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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