Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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