is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
