She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
