She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
