I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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