you traded sex for a burrito?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Even my vagina gasped.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
