It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize