Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
