Your face is a jimmy john
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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