Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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