Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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