Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
