I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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