I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
